A PROPHECY of Steve Kowalski and possibly his uncle, Stan Kowalski, in Rome, 72 A.D., abducted into the Empire under Vespasian by treachery and deceit through the Fourth Dimension, to face certain horrific tortures and death, as orchestrated by The Half Guinea, who, astonishingly and bizarrely, comes to fear his own death at their hands – with none of the above-said being even remotely anywhere in THE POEM…
THIS POEM, by Author Unknown, is nevertheless entered into the Permanent Annals of the Kyiv Commix, for The Record, and as irrefutable Statement of Fact and The Truth
NATURALLY, you will have to wait for the whole Roman story to somehow materialize here, on our pages, to make sure any of this is actually true…
AND THAT could take a while – a labor advisedly not to be undertaken by the Feint of Time
^^^
There was that burned-out movie theater in Podil,
Kyiv’s gentrifying quarter, tres bohemian,
An arthouse multiplex “Zhovten” named,
That is “October,” the Revolution or the month,
Or just an easy-to-remember
Whimsical thing,
Whose foyer, cloakroom, and popcorn machine,
Its velvet ropes, old-fashioned seats, and crimson drapes,
And all its screens – but one – got fried and seared
To crispy-crunch debris, coated black with ash and soot,
On New Year’s Eve, two thousand fifteen.
^^^
Beware, Steve Kowalski, “The Annals of Rome,” [LINK 229]
For Gnaeus Maximus Helvi will come
For your hearth and your home…
^^^
Upon its fate you meditate, foregoing what’s my point:
Did it fire catch by spark or short, or sad mischance,
Perhaps; or was it perhaps, more likely, set ablaze? Oh,
Bravo, bravo – arson you suggest – well, it certainly
Wasn’t I, massaging my balls in Row Seven, last
Seat on the lefthand side, drunk and possessed
To startlingly cry:
“Fire, fire,” and then lighting one, like some dick,
Especially as I’d long ago sworn off the drink;
Although there was that one time… but that’s not the point!
And whatever the movie was, it went by quick…
^^^
Take heed, Steve Kowalski, and take care,
The Half Guinea seeks to prepare
For you a deadly snare…
^^^
Why it burned? That’s also not the point, but okay,
We suspect, just to get that point out of the way,
An inside job, the hand of the mob, or both, maybe,
But – and here’s the point –
It was New Year’s night, not the Eve before,
A wicked night, no matter what, and everyone’s indoors,
Every bar is shuttered for the twenty-four,
and every business closed; *+!
So, if you want a drink but live alone, shuddering in your shorts,
You’d better have stashed away a bottle of your own,
Or you’re shit out of luck with not a place to go.
Believe me – I know.
^^^
“The Annals of Rome” you will watch once again,
Steve, but this time The Guinea will pull you in,
To kill you and your kin…
^^^
But should you for no reason take a moment and go
Up to the window in that little dump, your home,
And narrow your eyes into the lamplit night,
You just might espy a disconcerting sight,
Disturbing for the sheer perverseness of the scene,
Of two mischief-makers destroying the urban peace,
Or, rather, a hellion-provocateur still reveling
On his drunk, reeling down the empty streets,
A Roman legionary pagan, ruthless and undead
With a naïve Catholic boy in tow for company
Struggling, staggering atop the asphalt’s icy sheen.
^^^
There’s civil war in the country’s east, and to celebrate,
The Guinea breaks in the door of the fire-gutted place
Knowing the one hall and its viewing frame, though marred,
Will suffice for his projected vice,
And there they sit, popcorn sharing, and Steve in awe staring
At “The Annals of Rome,”
Soldiers marching in formation out the screen,
The theater deafened, shaking, and Steve terrified
By the thunder of their boots on floor, as their voices roar
Crashing shields and swords through the walls and doors
Filing out like disciplined madmen to assassinate the stars.
^^^
Steve, Steve, Steve, into the devouring vortex
You will fall, as though targeted by a hex.
^^^
Filed by Author Unknown, April 25, 2026
*+! Post-Soviet Ukraine, remaining in many ways anchored in Soviet tradition, is notorious for all businesses and establishments of any sort being closed on New Year’s Day – all day. You can’t even get a Cannibal Burger at McDonald’s [a courtesy footnote from the KUSEB – no need to thank us…]