FLASHBACK: to sometime earlier, perhaps the very same day (continued directly from Part 2 of this same narrative, Kyiv Commix, Vol. 4, No. 41), in the Podil District offices of the Kyiv Branch All-American Proper Detective Agency, wherein Jack Step will now read, for some reason out loud to Dirk Dickerson, the Page 3 Goyim Lesson of the Week Column from The Wolf-Street Colonel, Sunday Righteous Goyim Edition, a subscription-only Judeo-English-language weekly tabloid published by Kyiv’s main synagogue (a Jewish house of worship) targeting Christian Zionists (although theoretically anyone can subscribe, but only after they submit to a thorough background check, and send the synagogue a video of themselves vehemently affirming that they are at least Christian, even if non-practicing, with chances of being approved for signup significantly boosted if the candidate is clearly and unmistakably a member of the still-existing White race); the newspaper Step and Dickerson casually picked up off a table in the synagogue’s subbasement, after they got done justifiably and completely non-antisemitically destroying the Heavy Hebe’s state-of-the-art satellite spying equipment…
Hey, Dickerson – get this!
I’m getting! Let’s have it, Step!
All right, here goes:
To wit:
Page 3 Column
GOYIM LESSON OF THE WEEK
WARNING, ANTISEMITES!!! To the Idolaters and Goyim Fools Who Are NOT Our Friends…
The individual, the rash and ignorant Idolater, who is justly with this world no more, and who wrote the following – “There is no hope, because the Jewish Lobsters rule the world!” – we caught and decapitated in our public square, at night, that nobody saw, but us, so let this be a warning to some, and a license to others, always!
As this thing – which that Forever-Cursed Goyim Idolater wrote and even found the chutzpah to publish on a social media and in the form of a video on a so-called alternative channel of media – is an outright lie, then one should keep your foolish goyim mouth shut about it, on pain of death by DECAPITATION!
THEREFORE:
Idolaters, Antisemites, Beware! We Catch You and We Cut Off Your Heads!!!
And that was this week’s LESSON, Good and Obedient Goyim Friends. Do not say anything that isn’t true, and we will teach you the rest.
NOW SEE OUR SPECIAL INSERT INSIDE THE PAPER for this week’s COMMAND, which, if followed, can change your lives forever with the most valuable and exclusive prizes we have reserved and waiting just for you!
IMPORTANT REMINDER
And keep your eyes open for that Secret Drycleaning Ticket, for you never know what it might bring…
Un-to-wit…
Shit, there’s that damn laundry ticket again, Step.
Hold it right there, cowboy. That’s not what’s important about this. For did you not catch the part about the beheading?
Well, yeah, I did, but… what’s the big deal?
Big deal? Haven’t you been paying attention? They’re not just speaking metaphorically. Don’t you remember – well, it was all but not that long ago – local blue-boy units calling in from the park next to the Zhovten Cinema a headless and otherwise mutilated body wearing one of those dumpy snowflake- and reindeer-motif Christmas sweaters, lying face-down, so to speak, in one of the park’s flowerbeds, strapped into a wheelchair?
Yeah… uh… yeah, I do… But that was just a courtesy call; otherwise, it wasn’t our jurisdiction, Step. Wasn’t even our business…
No, I know that, Dickerson, but it piqued our curiosity enough, that we got up off our asses and walked down there to take a look for ourselves…
But Step, there’s no way to prove that was the former editor of the Kyiv Poster, Brent Boner, if that’s what you’re getting at. I mean, except for the sweater – I’ll give you that – there was no head; that’s for one. And for another, all his fingers and toes were chewed off by what was probably a pack of vicious, starving dogs, thereby eliminating, for the most part, any chances of positively identifying the body – ever – other than if they’d found the actual head. And besides, I don’t see how it could have been Boner, since he’d been blown up in one of the Kyiv Poster’s old offices, which turned out to be an insurance scam run by the paper’s publisher at the time himself, Moe Zaire, together with the notorious international insurance scam artist, something-or-other Butterworth…
Bah! That’s not my point! And, anyway, Boner was resurrected. You missed that one. So, the possibility of that headless body they found being Boner’s is not all that farfetched, after all…
Okay, Step; but why would a washed-up, doddering, tottering, wheelchair-bound and geriatric Brent Boner, even if resurrected, blurt out on social media such an obviously, blatantly, and, quite frankly, viciously antisemitic trope – that “Jewish lobsters run the world” – which does nothing but raise age-old defamatory stereotyping to new levels of neo-fascistic persecution by those… others, let’s just say… who want to hear just that sort of malicious lie? What interest could he possibly have in doing so?
Ah, you don’t really mean that, do you, Dirk?
Just being careful, you understand.
Fair enough. So, to answer your question, he might have seen the popularity of the Jewish lobsters topic trending suddenly and alarmingly upward, and simply decided to throw the wretched line – about Jewish lobsters ruling the world, and all that – out there in a desperate, perhaps last-ditch, effort to boost the numbers of his pathetic podcast’s rapidly shrinking audience.
He had a podcast?
Yeah – called it “The Rusty Old Can”, or some-such; all of a sudden, gone… Used it mostly to harass the U.S. to send more money to war-torn Ukraine. Could be, when the money started drying up, along with his listeners, he blurted the Jewish lobsters line out in a panic, you know, accusing them of being behind the whole thing… I only occasionally caught the cast, and for a few minutes at a time, if that, so I never heard him say anything of the kind.
And what about –
Ditto on his social media posts – all taken by the local blues. Same with any videos he may have posted to any platforms – no longer there…
So, what’s the point of all this, Step?
The point?! We’ve got the Page 3 Goyim Lesson of the Week Column from the Kyiv synagogue-based Wolf-Street Colonel, Righteous Goyim Edition, which we wouldn’t have if we hadn’t casually and unreflexively filched it when we were there, and which paper bluntly and brazenly announces the commission of the very deed, nay, the very crime itself, to the entire world!
Ahaaaaa!
Aha, indeed…
As that ends the FLASHBACK, return we now, Astounding Readers, to the present moment: Dickerson and Step speaking by phone, precisely as we left them in the episode immediately preceding this one
Rest assured, the two have just finished discussing the Special Insert in Dickerson’s possession from the issue of The Wolf-Street Colonel, Righteous Goyim Edition, in Step’s possession, with Dickerson hoping Step will put together some semblance of meaning to the troublesome and vexing for Dickerson Special Drycleaning Ticket that the Insert mentions, and due to which his lunatic mind is unable to rest, thereby denying him any moment of respite and inner peace…
All right, Dirk, the first thing I think when I hear those numbers in the Insert, ah, the 33.33 dollars and the 6 replicas, is Satan and The Beast System. Money as the simultaneous instrument and symbol of all concentrated world power together with a place in which the totality of that concentration can be expressed and out of which it can emanate. The repeated and insistent threes have the effect of emphasizing the six, as in six-six-six, or six hundred, sixty, and six. Hey, do me a favor, will you, and multiply 33.33 by six – let’s see what we get.
Okay, um, that would be 199.98.
Uh-huh… uh-huh… very interesting. Let me just jot that down over here… Okay, so there we have the three sixes, except inverted, or upside down, as nines. And then, if you add the one to the eight, you get another nine, or another upside down six.
Yeah, but if you subtract, you get a seven.
Very true, Dirk, and that would throw the whole thing off, as a seven is just the opposite of a six, which indicates a fatal flaw in the formula. But if you place them side by side, you get 18, which again, is a repetition of the three sixes; and expressed the other way, as an 81, gets you nine nines, or upside sixes, or three more sets of six-six-six – so that’s the System here that predominates and verily overwhelms…
What’re you saying we got here, Jack? What does this mean about the drycleaning ticket.
I’d say, it literally makes it a ticket to see Satan in his breakout concert, immediately after which you’ll go straight to Hell.
That’s all well and good, Jack, but what connection then can there possibly be between a shuttered Hasidic strip bar in Podil, steeped in the blood of its murdered dancers, whose mutilated bodies were dug up from shallow mass graves on Trukhaniv Island, a closed drycleaners, the Heavy Hebe (who ostensibly ran the drycleaners), the Ferret (who appears to have been the main kingpin literally under the strip bar), and John Smith, whose wife was one of the murdered whores identified by her lopped-off dancing nose on the island stuck in a pile of dogshit, and the advent of the Antichrist?
None… none whatsoever… Just forget about it. I think – it’s not worth pursuing. Caw…
Yeah, that’s what I say…
Dirk Dickerson and Rook Step hang up.
Dickerson: But, still…
Feverishly, he flicks his finger through the torn, worn, and dogeared pages of his journal…
As you and I might have predicted, regardless of reassurances, or anything else, for that matter, Dickerson’s mind is incapable of resting, and he agonizes on and on… and on…
But what does he do next?
Well may You ask. For the answer to that, Greatly Honored Reader, you’ll have to move immediately to the next frame. And if it’s not there now, I assure you it will be, just as my name is…
We’ll-Just-Keep-the-Author-out-of-It-This-Time-Shall-We…
November 16, 2025